


Jam Jr.

by BB90



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga), Death Note: Another Note
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Poor Mello, Tumblr Prompt, b is a turkey, this is very short and very dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 14:04:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13548897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BB90/pseuds/BB90
Summary: Tumblr Prompt: Beyond Birthday tutors Mello in the art of jam-making.





	Jam Jr.

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous: "Can I request a Beyond Birthday tutoring Mello in the art of jam making? Please and thank you <3"

**Matt:** Near, dude. You’re never going to believe what’s going down in the kitchen right now. B and Mello are like… cooking together.

 **Near:** Yes, I know. Mello has detention.  
  
**Matt:**  Detention? Why?

 **Near:** They caught him raiding the pantry last night.

 **Matt:** Ah. Bummer.

 **Near:**  And you know how Roger thinks B needs more friends, and better hobbies. He was found dressing up like L again.

 **Matt:** Jeez, that’s the fifth time this week.  
  
**Near:**  Uh-huh. So Roger told B he had to find a new creative outlet, and B decided to start his own cooking show. He told Roger he needed an assistant for it, so I guess that’s Mello’s punishment for now.

 **Matt:**  Oh man. We have to spy on them. C'mon.

 _[Matt and Near go to the kitchen door and peek their heads inside._   _B and Mello are standing behind the counter together with all the cooking supplies laid out. B is wearing a tall white chef’s hat. Many bright studio lights are shining down on them, and Roger is filming it all with a camera on a tripod]_

 **B:** _[loudly, to the imaginary audience]_ Hello everyone, and welcome back to “Aggressive Top Chef.” I’m your host B, and this is my lovely assistant, Mello.

 **Matt:** _[whispering]_ Mello looks like he wants to die.

 **Near:** Yeah. Seems like B’s having fun, though.

 **Matt:** Well, B’s about as subtle as a foghorn when it comes to the things he likes.

 **Near:**  Do you think he made Mello wear that frilly apron, or…?  
  
**B:** On today’s episode we will be making strawberry jam. Everyone loves a good jam, but if you’re new to jam making you might be feeling a bit unsure. Don’t worry; by the time you’re done you’ll have made five cups and will be feeling like a pro. Let’s give Roger’s special recipe a try!

_[B flashes a smile at the camera, then steps on Mello’s foot behind the counter. Mello scowls and holds up a finished jar of jam, twirling it in the light. Matt snorts into his fist]_

**B:** This is by far the easiest jam I have made without using a pectin. The jam is soft, spreadable, and delicious. Let's begin. In order to sterilize the jars before you make the jam, start by preheating the oven to 180 degrees.Then, put the jars on a cookie sheet and heat them in the oven. Next clean two pounds of fresh strawberries and hull them.  _[dumps the strawberries into Mello’s arms]_  …I said _hull_ them, Mello. Pretend the stems are injustice and the strawberries are the world, if that helps.

 **Mello:**  …

 **B:**  Now juice three lemons to yield a quarter cup of juice.Set the juice aside. In a wide bowl crush the strawberries with a potato masher. Crush the berries until you have four cups. Don’t be shy about it.

 **Mello:** Uh, B. Wouldn’t it be easier to do this in smaller batches?  
  
**B:** Oh, no. On “Aggressive Top Chef" we don’t submit to the berries, we make the berries submit to us. Now, in a heavy bottomed saucepan, mix the four cups of crushed strawberries with the lemon juice, and four cups of white sugar. Or more, if you feel like it. Yes, I mean what’s four cups when you could have five, six. Thirteen. _[dump]_

 **Mello:** _[staring into the pan]_  I think this is going to give someone diabetes.

 **B:**  Hm, says the boy caught stuffing his face full of chocolate at midnight. I saw how many wrappers were in the trash bin this morning.  
  
**Roger:** B, that’s quite enough.

 **B:** Only joking, Roger. Now Mello will stir the mixture over low heat until the sugar is dissolved. Then he will increase the heat to high, and bring the mixture to a full rolling boil… Watch yourself, Mello, we wouldn’t want to burn our faces off, now… Continue to boil the mixture, stirring often, until the mixture reaches 220 degrees.

_[B takes the spoon from Mello and dips it deep into the pan]_

**B:** Many cooks often wonder how to be sure when the jam is done and ready for canning. One test is to see when the jam covers the back of a spoon with a thick coat that also produces heavy drips. Speaking of drips, hello L.

_[L sighs as he walks by]_

**B:** Now that the jam is ready, remove the sterile jars from the oven and carefully transfer the mixture into jars. Leave a quarter-inch of space between the top of the jam and the lid. Remove any air bubbles with an air bubble remover tool if you have one. Or you can use a skewer.  _[pulls a huge knife out of his apron and stirs the jam with it]_

 **Mello:** Uh…

 **B:** Then seal the jars with a magnetic lid lifter to keep them sterilized, or use sanitized gloves.  _[snaps rubber gloves on]_

 **Mello:** Are those… surgical? B, where did you…  
  
**B:** Now process the jars in a water bath. This will kill any bacteria, making the jam safe for long-term storage. If the jam is going to be eaten right away don’t bother with processing, just refrigerate it. It goes very well with fresh biscuits and crumpets.  _[sticks whole hand into jar]_ Personally, I prefer a more direct approach... I mean, why waste your time, but…

 **Mello:** _[ripping off his apron and backing away]_ Roger, I can’t do this. Please just put me on toilet scrubbing duty for the rest of the year instead, or something…

 **B:** _[wrapping his arm around Mello’s neck and dragging him back over, while flashing a winning smile for the camera]_ Thanks from my lovely assistant Mello and I, Roger, for this fantastic and easy strawberry jam recipe. When you serve this to your friends at your next afternoon tea, I guarantee they should be as happy as if they’d drunk a mug of molasses.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr at 13eyond13.tumblr.com if you want!


End file.
